


Not Fun

by Peter164



Series: Little!Anxiety [4]
Category: Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exhaustion, False Accusations, Fights, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Jealousy, Lack of Communication, Little!Anxiety, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Overworking, Self-Esteem Issues, Supportive Logan, no actual abuse though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2018-10-22 05:52:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10691067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peter164/pseuds/Peter164
Summary: Roman is acting strange, cold, distant. Anxiety feels rejected and doesn't know what to do. He asks Logan to help, if he helped before, he could help again. Right?(Rated T for fighting in a healthy relationship, really not good practices which Anxiety has a habit of using. There's nothing abusive here (though it is mentioned), but I'm still adding this here just in case.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said before, there is some mention of abuse here. It is used as an empty threat when the character is extremely angry, however there is no physical action taken and the character being "threatened" is later comforted and it's sorted out. It should not be treated as a real threat, but it is present in the story so if you are sensitive to that kind of thing, maybe sit out for this one. 
> 
> Everything ends good though, so don't worry.

Roman was laying down with Anxiety. Almost always there was a hand in Anxiety's hair, or an arm around his waist, rubbing his tummy, almost always kisses covering Anxiety's body. But today Roman just had an arm draped over his shoulders, just staying there. It felt like Roman wasn't putting any effort into it at all, and of course Anxiety began coming up with a list with possible worst case scenarios. Either Roman was dying, he was cheating on Anxiety (although he didn't know who), or the most possible, Anxiety did something wrong and ruined their relationship and Roman was too nice to bring it up. Anxiety didn't know which thought was the worst, all of them lead to him without his Prince. They were watching Frozen, and Romna wasn't even singing Let it Go. Something was wrong. Anxiety had to have done something bad. The movie had just finished when Roman announced that Thomas needed him and left with a little kiss on the cheek. Anxiety felt his heart racing in his chest, what happened? Why was Roman being so weird? Anxiety wanted to cry, true to his name, he was anxious. He needed to calm down so he could think, but he needed to think about it the right way, not his usual way of going about things. His hands were shaking. He tried to go into little space to calm down, but it made it worse. Instead of losing a boyfriend, he was losing a parent. This was a job for big Anxiety, and big Anxiety had to think his way out of this. He needed help, who was good at thinking? He remembered his last video and quickly hurried into Logan's room. 

Morality was reading a blue book with Logan, Anxiety couldn't see what it was, but Patton looked on the brink of tears, about how Anxiety felt. Logan looked up to see him in the bedroom doorway, shaking and breathing heavily. He leaned over to Patton and asked him if he could make some cookies for the baby, Patton nodded and stood up before leaving the room. Logan set the book down and moved over so Anxiety could sit down. The younger curled up next to him.

"Is everything alright?" Logan asked him, Anxiety shook his head.

"I did something wrong and now Roman is mad at me and I don't know what to do." Anxiety mumbled into Logan's shirt. 

"Why do you think Roman is mad at you?" Logan asked, carefully running fingers through his hair.

"Because he's acting weird. He's not talking to me at all, he tries to get away, the most affection he's showed me all day was a kiss on the cheek, he didn't even sing when we watched Frozen together." Anxiety listed off.

"Well, from your description that is very strange for him, but it doesn't really mean that he's mad at you. Can you tell me why you think he's trying to get away from you?" Logan was breathing deeply, knowing that Anxiety automatically synced his own breathing with whoever's he could hear.

"Because he always says that Thomas needs him as soon as he can." Anxiety said, "What else could be the reason?"

"Maybe Thomas does need him, he has been stressed lately and he uses Roman to get rid of stress. Combine that with the fact that he needs him every time he films a video, or a short, or edits a video, or sings for someone. Roman most likely needs to be there more often than usual, which could lead to exhaustion. He might even just be having a bad day." Logan explained calmly. Anxiety's breath was evening out and he wasn't shaking anymore.

"Thank you for being a voice of reason." Anxiety said. 

"Someone needs to, right?" Logan smiled, Anxiety giggled, "You wanna be little to help calm you down a little more?"

Anxiety nodded. Logan stood up to grab a little pile of Dr. Seuss books. He picked up his phone and started typing. He wrapped an arm around Anxiety and opened up _Green Eggs and Ham_ so Anxiety could see the pictures. His thumb found his mouth while Logan read aloud. Patton trailed in with a bottle, he handed it to Anxiety and kissed his forehead.

"I'll be back in just a little bit." Patton promised before walking out of the room again. About half an hour later, Morality came back in and snuggled against the other two. 

~*~

A week later, Roman still wasn't back to normal and Anxiety was still going to Logan for help. 

"What are you doing with Logan all the time?" Roman asked. Anxiety shrugged.

"He helps me calm down." Anxiety explained. He didn't think anything of it, but apparently Roman did.

"Don't I help?" Roman pouted.

"Well, yeah of course you do. You just haven't been around that much." Anxiety could feel conflict brimming beneath the conversation. 

"I've been busy. Sorry, I can't be around every second of the day." Roman snapped. Anxiety flinched.

"I know, but you're not talking to me at all. You're acting like you don't even like me anymore." Anxiety shrank away, he wanted to hide. 

"The same could be said about you. You spend all your time with Logan, and he's getting so protective you might as well be sleeping together!" Roman was getting angrier. Anxiety's jaw dropped.

"I'm not, no, why would you even think that? He's with Patton, and you've seen those two together. Logan wouldn't do that to him. And what the hell gives you the idea that I would ever cheat on you?" Anxiety asked, completely heartbroken.

"What wouldn't give me the idea is the real question." Roman slumped down, he might as well be on fire with how furious he was getting.

"How do I know you are cheating on me?" Anxiety could feel tears threatening to pour out of his eyes, his face burned, but he would not cry in front of Roman, "You're gone all the time, and when we _are_ together you barely say a word to me."

Both were telling by this point. When did they stand up? Roman threw his hands in the hair and Anxiety flinched again, covering his face.

"Do you think I would actually hit you? Because if you do, maybe you deserve it, maybe I should." Roman was shaking. Anxiety might as well have been hit with how hurt he felt, "You're always so needy and worried about every little thing. You ruin everything and you're the reason Thomas has so many issues, it's your fault, you little freak."

The tears fell silently from his eyes. He opened the door and pointed.

"Out." Anxiety barked at him. Roman growled and left the room, slamming the door behind him. Anxiety sank to his knees and let out a sob. He didn't dare leave the room for fear that Roman might actually take him up on his threat. His whole body was shaking, but he crawled to his bed and buried himself under the covers. He shouldn't have ever tried to find help, he should have figured it out on his own, maybe the fight could've been avoided if he hadn't ever talked to Logan about what was happening. This was all his fault and he didn't know how to fix it. He could feel himself slipping into little space, not that it made him feel better. Someone knocked on the door.

"Don't even bother, Roman. I'm not talking to you." Anxiety shouted. Logan opened the door and walked quietly inside, both the first and last person Anxiety wanted to see. Logan picked up Lena, a fluffy black bunny toy, and sat down next to him. He handed him the rabbit and hugged him tightly. He pressed a kiss to his temple and asked if he could tell him what happened. Anxiety related the entire exchange the best he could through broken sobs and his babyish babble. Logan carefully rocked him as he spoke, smoothing down his hair.

"Daddy didn't mean anything he said, okay? I pinkie promise." He linked his little finger with Anxiety's, "But sometimes he needs to be talked to, just like you do sometimes."

"Like when I accidentally spilleded water all over the floor and you and Papa told me I hadda ask a grown up?" Anxiety asked.

"It's spilled, but yes just like that. Except he messed up a lot more that you did. I'm going to talk to him about what he did wrong, will that be alright?" Logan asked quietly, running fingers through his hair. 

"Will you have to go away?" Anxiety was worried about making Logan's shirt so wet.

"Only for a little bit. I can have Papa come in if you'd like." Logan offered with a small smile. Anxiety nodded.

"Okay. Not as good as Mamma though." Anxiety mumbled. Logan's cheeks turned pink, but he still typed something out on his phone. Anxiety was too little to read what most of the screen said. He knew some of the words in the little bubbles _the, a, I, baby, can, you, them, he_ as well as everyone's names and he knew that Momma had a heart by where Papa's name would be. He couldn't read what that name was though, so he tried sounding it out in his head. 

"All done, I'll stay here until he comes in." Logan said.

"Momma, why is Papa's name in your phone Daddy?" Anxiety asked. Logan choked on his spit.

"Uhm, maybe I'll tell you when you're bigger." Logan said. Anxiety knew that when people said that, it had to do with the big people stuff that happened sometimes in movies and got his eyes covered up. He wasn't really sure what that was, but he knew he wasn't supposed to talk about it. It was only a few minutes later when Patton came in with a paper plate of cookies, Anxiety's favorite Sleeping Beauty sippy cup full of milk, and a box of tissues. He sat down on the bed with a grin and handed him a cookie. Logan stood up to leave. Patton asked where he was going.

"Roman fucked up and I'm going to tell him that." Logan responded. Anxiety tugged on his Papa's shirt.

"Momma said a bad word." He whispered.

"Yes he did, jelly bean. Now just because he said it are you going to repeat it?" Patton asked. Anxiety shook his head, "Good. Come here and watch a movie with me."

~*~

Anxiety was big again. Patton watched Finding Nemo with him, which made Anxiety burst into tears even though he begged to watch it. His stomach hurt a little from the combination of crying, nerves, and the sheer amount of cookies he had put in his body. He was laying in bed, facing away from the door, in the dark, curled under the blankets, Lena still in his arms. His head hurt and his face felt stuffed with cotton. He heard the creak of the door opening and the quiet click of it closing again. He felt someone lay down behind him. He didn't want to even guess who this someone was pressing kisses into the back of his neck.

"I'm so sorry, princess." Roman whispered, slowly wrapping his arms around his waist, "I love you so much and I didn't ever want to hurt you like that. I've been overworking myself lately and it's making me tired and temperamental. And that's a sad excuse for what I did, I know that. I'm not here to beg forgiveness, because I don't deserve it. Hell, I don't even deserve to be with you. But I wanted to explain myself, because God knows you deserve to know. Thomas has been auditioning so much and I go to every single one of them, and beyond that he has all his usual things going on with videos and every other social media account he has because of it, and I've been trying to find you a present, and I'm drained. I talked to Thomas about the whole thing and he promised he would lighten up my load as best he could, giving up an entire day to help me relax and calm down a little."

Anxiety let his shoulders relax a little. Roman's face was buried into his neck, making it warm and wet. Was he crying? He never cried. Unless he was faking it, he was an actor after all.

"You deserve every star in the sky, and flowers every day, you deserve the highest throne known the man, everything I can possibly give you and everything I can't. The closest thing to pain you should ever feel is kisses and feeling like you'll be crushed when someone hugs you too hard. I thrive on your neediness. I love taking care of you, I want to take care of every impulsive whim and every thought out, life changing plan you have. You don't ruin everything, you're the reason Thomas is so popular in the first place. You force him into making everything he does perfect. You aren't just the fear of interaction and avoidance of parties and dates. You're the butterflies when you kiss someone for the first time, the anticipation when you meet your hero, the way your heart leaps into your throat when someone pins you down and bites your neck."

Anxiety snuggled into him automatically, not even wanting to. Roman continued kissing his neck, muttering how much he loved him. 

"I brought the present I got you if you want to open it." Roman whispered to him, "Well, and I have others for you to hopefully try and make up for what I did."

Anxiety sat up slowly and turned on the lamp beside his bed. Roman's eyes were red and tear stains ran down his cheeks. Seeing him calmed the worry that Roman was faking it. anxiety had seen him fake cry, and even then Roman tried to look good. This was an ugly crying, something real. Anxiety looked down at the little package on the nightstand by Roman, who handed it to him. As Anxiety opened it up, Roman explained his reasoning behind the gift.

"You kept sucking your thumbs and I didn't want you getting sick or anything. And I noticed that you would get frustrated when you needed both hands for something. This seemed like a decent compromise." Roman shrugged. Anxiety pulled a pink pacifier out of the box with a blush. A chain was attached to it turning it into a necklace. 

Roman carefully took it from his hands and put it around his neck. 

"It's already sanitized and all that stuff, so you can use it as soon as you drop down next." Roman told him. Anxiety was already getting littler, he hugged Roman tightly.

"Thank you, daddy." He told him. Roman was forgiven the second he went to little space. Not so much when he was big. He slipped onto Roman's lap.

"You're welcome, my princess." Roman started tearing up again, but this time with a smile. He pushed Anxiety's bangs out of his face and held his cheek. Roman slipped the pacifier between his lips, watching his eyes flutter shut. Anxiety rested his forehead on Roman's shoulder, "Do you wanna watch Sleeping Beauty before bedtime?"

Anxiety nodded, not wanting to take his present out of his mouth.

"Okay. This isn't something we'll do every night, it's only because daddy made a really big mistake today and I want to say sorry." Roman told him, making him nod again, "I'll go get you some juice and then we can start the movie."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone said they wanted Roman's point of view, so here you all go.

Roman was exhausted. All day long he just wanted to curl up next to his baby and fall asleep. He was focused on trying not to drift off, his arm around Virgil's shoulders. He was just starting to feel his limbs feeling limp when Thomas called him back up. He kissed Virgil's cheek before he left. His eyes drooped as he tried to help Thomas edit the newest video. He has been working all day almost nonstop for nearly a week, and the lack of sleep was beginning to take its toll.

And the pressure didn't let up. Another week passed, and he noticed Virgil spending a lot of time with Logan. If he wasn't so tired maybe it wouldn't have bothered him. He probably could've shrugged it off and moved on. But Roman was do tired, and sleepy Roman was a cranky, jealous Roman.

"What are you doing with Logan all the time?" He asked. Virgil responded with a shrug. Roman internally pouted and waited for more of an explanation.

"He helps me calm down." He told him. Roman's anger flared. That was his job, not Logan's. It was his job to love and snuggle Virgil and keep him happy, not Logan's.

"Don't I help?" Virgil was his, no one else's. Roman was starting to get pissy and bratty.

"Well, yeah of course you do. You just haven't been around that much." Virgil said. And that's when Roman's vision went red. He remembered yelling, he remembered fury bubbling under his skin like fire, he remembered tears. He remembered being yelled at the just leave, and he did. He left. He collapsed on his bed and felt his anger melt into sadness and guilt as he remembered things he said.

He'd accused not just Virgil, but Logan as well of cheating on their partners with each other. He'd yelled at him for being needy and anxious. But worst of all, the thing that shattered his heart like glass was the last few sentences he said to him. He threatened to hit him. He'd made him cry. He'd called him a freak. How could he ever say something like that to his baby? He started crying, alone, on his bed that felt softer than what he deserved. He wanted to sleep, but he couldn't. He just sat there and cried for what felt like years before Logan came in. 

"Do you have any idea how badly you've fucked up?" Logan stood in front of him. Roman could only look up at him, "How dare you say that to him? Especially when it's so obvious that you're his entire world."

"What?" Roman wiped his eyes. Virgil loved him that much. 

"Virgil loves you. He's afraid he's going to fuck something up and make you leave him, and you do this?" Logan was fuming, "Do you know what he talks about when you're not around? How much he wishes you'd come back. The past two weeks he's been coming to me because he's afraid you don't want him anymore."

"Logan I'm sorry I didn't-" 

"Don't you dare waste your breath on me. I'm not the one you threatened and called a needy freak." Logan was biting his lips, trying not to yell. His hands were shaking.

"But I still said you were-"

"I don't care. Call me whatever the hell you want, I can handle it. Virgil cannot." He pointed outside to the other side of the hallway, "Virgil is more fragile than glass. If you say one wrong thing, he breaks. You fucking ground him into dust. Did you even consider what your words could mean to him? Did the thought even cross your mind that you could hurt this little boy beyond repair?"

Roman held his face on his hands. He fucked it all up.

"He dropped into headspace as soon as I walked in to see him. He cried so much, because of you. He wouldn't let me leave him alone, I had to have Patton go in and take care of him just so I could come talk to you. We're expecting him to need supervised for a few days at least, and he probably won't even want to be around you at all." Logan told him. Roman wanted to curl into a ball and die.

"I fucked this up. I fucked up bad." He muttered under his breath.

"Yeah, you did. You need to apologize. Whether Virgil forgives you or not, you still need to. I don't fucking care. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I do. I need to talk to Thomas." He said, tears still streaming down his face. Logan turned and walked out of the room. Thomas was sitting on his bed.

"Are you alright? Roman are you crying?" He asked, immediately sitting up and wrapping an arm around him.

"I'm really not alright, Thomas. I messed up." He admitted.

"What happened?"

"I snapped at Virgil. But it ended up more serious than I ever thought it could and I said some things that I really shouldn't have even thought of, much less said out loud to him." He said.

"Well, it seems like you're really upset about this. I'm sure he'll forgive you." Thomas comforted him.

"I really doubt it'll be that easy. But Thomas, I'm so tired lately. You're really pushing my limits and I need a break." He said. Thomas nodded.

"I still need to edit that video, but what if I give you tomorrow completely off so that you can rest and recover. I'll do my best to give you a break, but I can only give so much." He explained. Roman nodded.

"I don't need a big long break, just something to lighten the load and let me actually sleep well every night." Roman told him.

"Of course. Go make up with Virgil, okay?" Thomas smiled at him. Roman nodded and thanked him before popping back up into his head. He did his best to collect himself, staring at himself in the mirror and trying to dry his face. Key word being _trying._ He paced around his room, trying to think of what he would say. After an hour of collecting himself he walked across the hall, spending another 30 minutes silently crying and staring at his door. He finally opened the door to see Virgil snuggled into bed. He closed the door behind him and crawled up next to him as quietly as he could. Virgil didn't pull away from him, so that was one thing he did okay. He kissed the back of his neck, gently wrapping his arms around him and pulling him in close.

"I'm so sorry, princess." He tried being quiet. He knew Virgil was awake. He could feel the tension in his muscles. He just felt like the situation called for quiet. He tried to explain what happened, not as an excuse, but so that Virgil knew what happened. He felt Virgil relax as he spoke and he nuzzled against his neck.

He poured out his heart and soul to Virgil, trying to make him understand how much he meant to him. He deserved so much and Roman couldn't give him any of it. He should never feel pain from someone else. He needed to be kissed and cradled and loved unconditionally. Virgil didn't ruin anything, and he wasn't the bad guy. He did so much good for Thomas, not just bad. He felt Virgil curl into him a little more. Roman didn't want to lose him.

"I love you so much, my little princess." He told him. Virgil pulled away and his heart dropped for just a moment, but he was just turning on his lamp. Roman looked up at him and was met with pure beauty. There was still tear stains running down his cheeks, but that was all that was left of his sorrow. The warm glow of the lamp made his hair shine and his eyes glow like stars. He saw his expression soften as he looks at him. He watched Virgil drop into little space and curl up next to him.

"Thank you, Daddy." He said. Roman turned on Sleeping Beauty for him and they watched until they fell asleep.


End file.
